The Sarah Palin Family Drinking Game

Bristol Palin (right) would have earned you an extra drink by holding baby Trig under international rules for the "Sarah Palin Family Drinking Game."

America has only known her a week, but it is painfully obvious that Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin needs her own family drinking game. Trust me, you will be messed up after sitting through one of her speeches.

Here are the simple rules.

• Before Palin walks out on stage, guess whether her hair will be up, tied back or all down. If you’re correct, give yourself a drink. If she comes out in a mohawk, forget the rest of the game and move to Canada.
• Anytime Palin mentions anything about the small town she was from or her time on the Wasilla City Council, giggle to yourself and take a drink.
• Anytime Palin points toward the audience while making a “point,” it deserves a drink.
• Whenever Palin says the phrase “hockey mom,” or a “hockey mom” sign is shown on screen, swig it!

But the fun doesn’t stop there. There are also special rules for whenever we are lucky enough to get the entire Alaskan first family at one of these things.

• Before the speech begins, each person in the room selects a member of the family (and since it’s such a big family, up to 8 can play. We know they have only five kids, but we’re counting Bristol’s fetus like any good right-to-life Republican!). To be fair, you may want to draw names out of a hat. We all can’t pick Sarah.
• When your family member is shown on the screen, drink up!
• If your person happens to be holding 5-month-old baby Trig, take another swig. If Trig is your person, be prepared to chug. Somebody’s always holding him.
• Special rule: Since family dad, Todd, has rarely been shown on TV holding Trig (that duty usually goes to one of the daughters), if you get stuck with him in the draw, keep swigging the entire time he’s on screen holding the baby.

There are other variations to this game that can extend to times she’s not even speaking.

• When other people on TV say “Sarah Palin,” respond “who?” and swig.
• Whenever she is refered to her high school basketball name of “Sarah Baracuda,” sip one. When you are told it is because of her tenacious defense, you might as well just swig the rest of your drink.